Okay, brace yourselves. I might regret admitting this, but here goes: I want to start dating again.
Why did I stop dating? Oh come on, have you even seen what’s out there? Actually I can’t even blame the men. I wanted to put forth my best self, I didn’t feel like i had much to offer.
I realized recently that I have been putting aspects of my life on hold until I get all of the weight off. It could be a year or more before I reach my goal. Ouch. I just can’t put my life on hold for that long. Now that I have my depression under control, I feel like I have so much to offer, but then there’s the weight.
Here are two of my most personal thoughts as of late, that I feel are holding me back from the life I want:
I want to go to school to be a nutritionist…wait K, who would hire an overweight nutritionist? (ok, admittedly this is dumb. By the time I actually finish the dang degree, I will be fit and healthy!)
I want to date an active, health conscious, fit man….wait K, that kind of man wants the same thing in a woman. I am those things, but I still have the weight.
This is quite an awkward time in my life. I consume myself with nutrition and fitness research and I forget sometimes that there are other aspects of my life that need fulfillment too. I still fight that inner struggle that some women have…the idea that overweight women can’t have high standards. I despise that feeling and I am certainly against it, but being honest, that insecurity creeps up from time to time.
Of course thinking back, maybe failed relationships have brought me to this beautiful place I am now. Maybe if things had worked out with my last love interest, I would still be eating pasta at Olive Garden (oh yea, it’s been that long since I’ve had a date).
Also, where do I even begin? Do I really have to do online dating? Can’t finding companionship be as organic as my food? Do I have to go to a bar? Do I have to go to a church? Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just spewing off the things that float around in my head. Can you set me up with your brother or cousin? Wait…don’t do that.
First dates are so awkward especially with the way I eat. What if he takes me to Taco Bell? What if we have nothing to talk about and I yell at him for eating that burrito (hey, it could happen, have you even read my blog posts?) I really should stop worrying about these things.
Maybe the best thing to do is to put myself out there, but not actively look. I don’t want to spend my time looking. I want to have the time of my life and then have someone fall into that picture. Yes, that’s perfect.
Oh wait, it doesn’t work like that? You mean I have to rejoin OkCupid? grumble grumble…
Help a girl out! Send me some advice…or if you’re a guy send me your number…that was a joke, no guys read this blog.
Health and Happiness,