Fear and Change

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Things that scare me.

We all know that all you can do is be prepared.  You don’t know what will happen, but the greatest defense is an excellent offense: knowledge.  I encourage you to be knowledgeable about every obstacle you take on. Know what challenges you may face, know what has worked for others, and know yourself.  When it comes down to it, we all have to take a leap of faith, but with knowledge and determination on your side, there is nothing you can’t take on.

Weight-loss and becoming healthy are incredibly wonderful things, but let’s face it, change can be really very scary.  So today instead of sharing knowledge with you, I thought I would share what scares me.  Why? Well maybe you have the same fears, maybe writing them down will help me face the fears, maybe we can all realize that what scares us isn’t really that scary at all.  When we lose fear, we gain everything.

1.  Change.  Yes you heard me right, change.  That’s the main expectation of becoming healthy, yet for some reason it is still scary.  What will I be like as a thin person? Will my friends still invite me to dinner, because my eating habits are so different than the rest of the world’s? What if I lose it all and men still don’t like me? These are some of the more shallow fears that run through my mind, but fears nonetheless.  These are the fears that used to derail me.  Even though they still float around in my head they do not have power over me.  So when your mind brings up these scary questions, use knowledge, and answer them.

What will I be like as a thin person? I will still be me. I will still be cute, funny, smart, kind, and worthy.  I will still be a musician, I will still be someone’s daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.  I will still love myself and those around me. PLUS, I will add more to my life than I thought I could have. I will run farther and faster.  I will wear a bathing suit in public.  I will jump all day long in one of those jumpy things when my niece turns 4.  I will not wait around for things to happen, I will text that attractive man first.  There is more to look forward to than there is to fear.

Will my friends still invite me to dinner? They love me, the answer is yes.

What if I lose it all and men still don’t like me? Ok, now I’m showing a bit of insecurity.  What if it is not the weight that men are not attracted to? What if it’s just me.  I admit it is hard for me to share this, but I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.  The more we feel like we are the only one who feels that way, the more our fear increases.  So here I am, laying it out there so you will know that you are not the only one.  How do I deal with this fear? I know that I am beautiful, even at 217 pounds, I am beautiful. If I can see my beauty and worth then someone, who I also find beautiful, will too.  I can live without someone while I am overweight, and I can live without someone when I am at a healthy weight.  I am strong enough to do this, so there is no reason to fear the future.  Let’s be honest though, this has to be the dumbest fear, because as the weight drops, there will be less blocking the beauty that radiates from within.

2. Having extra skin.  This is fear that comes along with knowledge.  I am a candidate for having extra skin once I reach a healthy weight. Why? For one, I’ve been obese for a very long time.  The longer you are overweight, the more difficult it will be for your skin to mold to your new thin body.  This is an extremely shallow fear.  Why would you give up being healthy for the idea that you may have extra skin? How ridiculous is that? You have the same skin now, but it is backed with life threatening fat. Skin will not make me sick and kill me, but that fat will. I’m not lecturing you, I’m lecturing my own fear.

3. Maintenance.  I’m petrified that the weight will come back.  I am also terrified that my body will stop losing weight before I get even close to my healthy weight.  This fear is good in a way, because it keeps me working hard, but who wants to do things out of fear? I know that I certainly do not.  This is like being too afraid to drive to the beach and have a good time, because you think that you might get into a car accident and die on the way there.  Ok, there I go being dramatic, but sometimes our fear is as ridiculous as that simile.  Think about it, maintenance has to be the most glorious thing ever! You’re there! you made it! You’re healthy. So what, you have to continue to live your life as you did to lose the weight? That is what it is all about! Changing your life, not just getting ready for bikini season.

4. Not being able to afford being healthy.  We live in a world where a burger costs 99 cents and a salad costs 4.99.  It is a legitimate fear that you might not be able to afford the food that can be your medicine.  This challenge is very real to me, I am quite poor.  So how do I do it? Priorities, priorities, priorities.  I don’t go out to eat.  There is nothing I can eat there anyway.  I’ve said before that going out to eat is inevitable if you deal with people at all.  This still holds true, but that does not mean that you have to go out every other night.  I don’t need a new work out top until I wear one out or lose a bunch of weight. I don’t need those perfect shoes that I think will add to the quality of my life.  What do I need? I need hormone free, organic, antibiotic free, preservative free, real food.  Yes, it does cost more than buying junk.  So what can you do? Buy frozen fruits and vegetables to supplement the fresh.  It is cheaper and you can always have it on hand. Chicken is very inexpensive, even organic chicken.  My life savers are boneless skinless chicken thighs. So delicious.  Plan your meals for the week. I go grocery shopping on Monday so I always plan every meal out for the next week on Sunday.  Why do this? You will not waste any food.  Do your fresh fruits and veggies always go bad before you have a chance to use them? Blame this on poor planning and nothing else (unless you buy some imported stuff that is on its way out before it even gets to the grocery store. Always buy in season or frozen.)  Go to a farmer’s market! It is cheap, fun, and an excellent learning experience for the kids.  I can not afford grass fed beef, so unfortunately I do not eat beef.  I do not trust grain fed beef, there are far too many scary things about it.  This is the one thing I wish I could change, but for now I will enjoy my chicken, turkey, and fish (when I can afford it, but don’t worry, I take my fish oil.) Stop making excuses, and make a way instead.

These fears are nothing compared to the fears of being overweight. Those are real fears. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high choleserol, early mortality, heart disease, higher risk for cancer, these are science proven fears.  So you want to be afraid of something? Be afraid of being unhealthy, sick, and nearly dead, because that is the only real fear.

Maybe there is someone out there who has some of the fears as I do, but it is stopping them from becoming healthy for once and for all.  Afraid that no one will support you? Afraid that people will make fun of you for trying to change? Afraid that you will fail?  This is my message to you: I am here. I have beat all the odds.  I was told by my family and a doctor that I was just supposed to be fat.  That’s how God made me.  I am here to tell you not to listen to anyone who is against you being healthy.  I am always here for you and this is a safe place.  A place where you can be afraid of everything, but learn that you don’t have to be.  A place that you can ask the questions that you have hid because you were too afraid to share it with anyone.  I will always listen, because no one would listen to me. You’re not crazy, you’re not alone. Let me be there for you.

I would like to offer my email address to anyone who needs someone to talk to.  Or if you have any questions about how I went from someone who couldn’t lose any weight, to someone who has lost 22 pounds and counting.

allthat1der@gmail.com

I hope to hear from you!

Lastly, I would like to share some things with you that inspire me, make me happy, and give me something to look forward to for every tomorrow

I love to sit here and just enjoy the way the sun shines through the trees.  This picture does not do it justice.  I do my best thinking and planning here. Oh, and I totally get internet access all the way out here, so yes, blog posts are occasionally written here.

Going fishing in the dark with my sweet Lilly.  Moments like these make me incredibly happy. Don’t you dare make fun of my dog for being fat, she’s sensitive.

Health and Happiness,

K

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About allthatwander

Food lover. I feel like that's enough, but what's that? you want to know more? Well, give the people what they want; That's what I always say. Honestly, I can't think of one time I've ever said that, but now I will say it all of the time. Obsessed with creating the most beautiful and tasty food that anyone and everyone can enjoy. Recipes are often paleo based, but they're so good, everyone should eat them! Like now, I'm serious, get in that kitchen NOW! In addition to good food, you get to read my musings on nutrition, fitness, weight-loss, and some life-stuff. I hope you all enjoy an excellent blog, written in my best 4th grade writing skills. Enjoy!

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